It’s now 2021, and Emma is a teenager heading into her junior year of high school. I have been both her teacher, and her coach for track and field, and I’m quite happy to say that she is now quite a bit faster than me. When we run together, she pretty much leaves me in the dust within a half mile, a function of her increased ability, and my corresponding decline.

Emma started track her Freshman year during indoor season doing short sprints and throwing shot put. Though she enjoyed the former, she’d be the first to admit that shot was not her event. Then COVID happened, which resulted in the cancellation of Spring track during Spring 2020. During the pandemic summer Emma discovered distance running and cycling, and spent a lot of time training on her own leading into her Sophomore year. She played soccer in the Fall, but unfortunately our indoor track competitive season got cancelled. However, another coach and I decided to run workouts throughout the winter leading up to Spring track. It was during this time that Emma learned that she really loves distance running. She went on to compete in the 800-1600-3200 this past Spring, and just recently made the very difficult decision to give up soccer and switch to Cross Country in the Fall.

Emma and I are exceptionally close, and I’d be proud of her no matter what path she chooses, but for selfish reasons I can’t help but be a little excited that she is doing XC in the Fall. I think the reason I decided to write this is because we have been taking my oldest son on college tours over the past few months (he’s being recruited for track and field, but that’s a story for another time), and this week Emma accompanied us for the first time on a few campus tours. It made me realize that she will be in college in just two short years. It’s quite hard to come to terms with that!

The other day I told Emma that the reason I am most excited that she is doing XC is that it means we can run together for the next two years. I volunteer on occasion with our school XC team, but if she is there it means I can join them more frequently (soccer meant driving all over the place to games since both my son and Emma played). And we are training together this summer, though by “together” it means me just trying to keep her visible in the distance ahead of me…

One of the things I have realized as a parent is that as I have gotten older, my personal goals have often become secondary to supporting the goals of my kids. I haven’t run a marathon in years, and I barely run during track season as I am so busy carrying out my coaching duties that I have little time or energy left to run for myself. But this coming year is shaping up to be a bit different, as helping my daughter achieve her goals means that I might need to start developing some new ones for myself. I’m looking forward to what the coming year will bring!

The article hit me hard because I have been struggling a bit lately with the tension between running, parenting, and work. I think this tension in part prompted the little breakdown I wrote about the other day. I love my family. I love my kids. I love running, and I love blogging. But sometimes it seems like there isn’t enough time in each day to attend to each of these parts of my life to their fullest.

My stress level lately has been heightened by the fact that I’m leaving on Sunday for a two-week trip to Vermont. I’ll be coaching and presenting at the running camps in Craftsbury, and it’s a job I love. But the hard part is being away from my wife and kids. I love traveling, but I love sharing experiences with them more than when I do it solo. It’s only two weeks, and I’ll be home for a few days in the middle to see my son act in a drama production, but it’s still hard to be away.

When I was reading Arnold’s article, I could very much identify with this passage:

“As I trained for the Angel Fire 100K—my longest distance yet—my worlds diverged even more. Longer training runs, more miles, more time away. Despite my focus, or because of it, my running was suffering. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was running through their childhoods, missing out on the best of it. By separating the two so diligently, I’d given myself so much time and space to think about running that I was overthinking it. The more I fretted about nutrition and cross-training and obsessed over nagging injuries that were little more than normal wear and tear, the more distracted and impatient I was at home. I never wanted our family to be defined by my running, but that’s exactly what was happening. My good intentions were backfiring.”

I’m currently training to run the Vermont 50K. Training has been going well, but this summer has been a challenge. During the school year I typically run in the afternoon while the kids are at school, so there is minimal overlap between my training and time that could be spent with them. But even there time running took away from time I could be working, so I’d often end up working a bit in the evenings (aka, family time).

The challenge with summer is that my kids are home, and I now work mostly from home (I spend a day or two per week in the clinic if I have gait clients). It has been a bit of struggle to work consistently during the day with three kids running around the house, even though my wife does her best to attend to their needs and keep them occupied (but when a 4-year old has to poop, he has to poop, and if mom’s working in the garden I have to pitch in!).

Trying to fit in runs this summer has been challenging (and disruptive to family life). Last year summer chaos led to me backing out of the Vermont 50K due to poor training, but I‘m committed this time around. I knew something had to change if I was going to make this work.

My wife has been pushing me for a long time to start getting up earlier and either running or working in the early morning. I’m not a morning person (she is), so I’ve always resisted this, but it seemed like the best solution. I’ve now been doing the morning thing for a bit over a week, and it has helped a lot. For example, I got up at 5:30 this morning, had coffee and a protein shake while I did some blog housekeeping, and was out the door by 7:30 for a 15 mile run. Last week I got out for my long run at 6:30AM.  

Other strategies I have tried to adopt to balance my running with family time are to do my long run during the week instead of on the weekend, and using a weekend day as a dedicated off day. I’ve also learned that sometimes you need to seize opportunities to have fun and not let your training schedule dictate your life.

Yesterday, for example, we had planned to take the kids to Lost River Gorge up in the White Mountains. My wife asked me if I wanted to stay home and get some things done, but I wasn’t going to miss a day of fun with the kids. So despite my stress of trying to get everything taken care of for my trip, I went to Lost River and had a blast. It took my mind off everything for half a day. I got to spend some quality time crawling around through caves with my gang. I may not hit my planned mileage this week, and I may fall a bit behind with email responses, but I will remember the trip with the family far more than anything I would have done had I stayed home.

As I finished Arnold’s article I found new resolve to stick with the morning runs. Yes, running is a time for me, but it shouldn’t take time away from them. And I’d love to try and get the family to come up to VT for the race. It would mean the world to me to have them there. I love these guys, and I need to do a better job of putting them first at all times.

I had no intention of writing a second post this soon after the one I wrote this morning, but sometimes you’ve got a story that needs to be told. On the first day of my summer break, I had the pleasure of going for a nice long walk with my wife, daughter, and newborn son. My 6yo was at school, so the plan was to swing by and pick him up on the way home, thus avoiding the need for him to ride the bus home.

Well, we got a bit absorbed in conversation along the way (which was very nice!), had to pause to extract a mound of unidentifiable animal poop from Jack’s mouth (didn’t know that’s what it was until I pulled my nicely coated hand from his maw), missed a turn, and were about 3/4 of a mile from school with only 5 minutes to go until my son’s schoolbus would depart with him on it. As a runner, naturally I was prepared for the situation by having my tech gear on underneath my warmer clothes, my Nike Free 3.0 v2’s on my feet (they’re great for walking as well as running), and my Garmin on my wrist (don’t ask!). I shed my outer clothes Clark Kent style, and became Super(Running)Dad.

Since I knew roughly how far away we were, I calculated that I would need to run about a 6:00-7:00 pace to get to the school before the bus left. That was within my capability, so I took off with the dog in tow and settled into the appropriate pace as indicated on the Garmin. We stopped briefly to pick up a poop bag I had deposited earlier next to a tree (Jack’s, not mine) so I could throw it in the trash, and got to the school just in time…or so I thought. I pulled up to his classroom heaving from the effort, only to have his teacher tell me that the bus just left.

“No problem,” I thought, half mile to home, and there’s no way he’ll beat me there on the bus given that they have other stops to make before our house. Just to be sure, I sped off again at a low 6:00 pace, dipping into the 5:00’s for a small stretch, and probably wiped out Jack in the process. End result – managed to get home with 10 minutes or so to spare, so this story has a very happy ending.

Total mileage on the day so far = about 5.5, mostly walking, final 1.5 on the chase.

About three weeks ago, just a few days after my son (third child) was born, I posed the following question to my friends on dailymile:

“Help a new parent!!! As a father of a newborn, I’m looking for suggestions of how to handle training with a baby in the house from those who have been through it (mom advice wanted too!). I’d love to hear ideas from all of you about this. If you have suggestions (for both mom and dad), you can leave them as a comment here, or send me a message.“

Clearly, this was a subject that people were interested in, and I received a number of great suggestions from my fellow dailymilers. I’ve already posted an extensive list of exercise tips from Christina H. as its own post, but thought that I’d post the other responses that I received as well. Here they are:

• Paul S. – I trained for my first marathon with a newborn in the house and just had to get up before anyone else was awake and put in the miles; this meant some really early mornings.
• Humberto R. – The most important thing is coordination with your wife – create a schedule and stick to it. And early mornings are better to train because less things are happening. In my case, I didn’t have enough energy in the evening to train.
• Linda A. – As a mom of five children (who at one time were all under ten), and with a husband who was always deployed, I had to get out before everyone got up. Also, as soon as you are able to, get the baby out in a jogging stroller. When we were in Germany, I used to push the two little boys (who are now 18 and 19) in a running stroller. Rain or shine (used the rain guard), I was out. I would pack a snack in a baggie (cheerios, Life), a water bottle each (with sipper lids), small toys (like bubbles), etc.
• Teri S. – I didn’t train like I do now, but I would get up about 5AM, put a run in, come back and shower, and then go back to bed while my husband got up and got ready for work. The jogging stroller helped too. And sometimes I would have to leave for a run while one of them was crying – that was tough, but my husband would always say that they were fine once I was gone. It gave them an opportunity to bond. I was home with them all day, and I needed the break. I think it helped me to be much more patient and balanced.
• Israel R. – It will require lots of dedication. Sit down with your wife and map your day, and find those spare times and decide when it will be the best time for you to train without causing anyone any inconvenience. You have to make the best out of that free hour. Or, like Paul said, suck it up and get up extra early so you’ll have time for your training and the rest of the day for the most important thing in your life…family. We have a 3 year old who goes to daycare. Last year and part of this year I was the only driver so I had to drive everyone, leaving me very little time to do much. The day was all rush rush… so I opted for running during my lunch hour. On occasion, I would coordinate a night run with my wife. Now my wife drives us to daycare and work leaving me with no car, and waiting for her for an hour after work to be picked up, so rather than sit and wait, I run during that hour. Like I said,. you have to make the best out of every single spare moment you get during the day.. and having an understanding wife also helps, but remember, the understanding part works both ways.. ;-)
• Justin T. – Open dialogue with your wife that running is still important to you and that you need to find some time here and there, but recognition on your part that running is low priority and you’ll be able to train more seriously again in the years ahead.
• Greg S. – Flexibility is paramount – nothing is predictable about a newborn’s schedule, so you have to take advantage of free time when it comes (and not count on it lasting). Just make sure that you communicate with each other on what you plan to do, so you continue to support each other’s goals.
• Chris – My wife and I communicate our time commitments through synced calendars on outlook and blackberry. This helps us know what our expectations are when we don’t have time to discuss them in detail. This can also be accomplished through google calendar and Iphones if you so choose. I think communication is huge. As is Greg’s note about flexibility.
• Ultrastevep – It’s been 30 years since I went through this, but I got up real early and ran….or ran to and from work. I also ran sleepy tired a lot ;-) Good luck!
• Sean L. – for me it was letting go of the idea that you have to be rested to get a run in – I always run in the morning.
• Tom W. – All these posts have one thing in common… lack of sleep! It’s a challenge, but it can be done. Running at night when everyone is in bed helped me a lot. Good luck.
• Jeff C. – Only way for me, is first thing in the morning…. I have 3 girls 6 and under… The Youngest just turned 2… If you try at the end of the day, between older kids, wife, and the desire to see your new born, it will be impossible … at least it is for me. I feel like I’m taking time away from my family if I do it after I get home from work. My long run on Saturday is my only compromise, but I’m still out the door at the latest by 6…. (5 mostly during the week)….
• Brad B. – I don’t want to be the negative one of the bunch here, but you need to be realistic with your training goals and timeline as well. You’re going to miss a lot of workouts, can’t be helped, so don’t expect to PR any races or try on any new distances for the next 6 – 10 months. Your fitness will probably fall off a bit, you might gain a little weight. Get the workouts in when you can and don’t lose any sleep over the missed ones.
• David H. – I ran a half marathon a little more than four months after my son was born — it was the most rewarding experience ever to prove so many people wrong. All I have ever heard are some things I’m seeing on here that you’ll miss this or that and don’t do this or that. As your baby gets on a schedule, you make your schedule around the baby. As we got a fairly regular routine going with my baby, he would go down around 7 p.m. So I made the switch to becoming an evening runner and ran/worked out after 7.
• Juryduty – The best thing you can do is communicate with your spouse about when you want to run (preferably before everyone’s up) so they can get on board with you. But then realize there will be mornings she’s had only a couple hours of sleep and she just needs you to stay there and take the kids. And if there is any way you can take a child or two with you (jogging stroller, etc), that should really help make it smooth too. Just don’t forget, the first year is ALWAYS the hardest. It will get easier! :P
  PS – Don’t forget that mom will probably be wanting to exercise, too. If you can make a specific time for her to get her exercise time in, it’ll me motivation for her to do the same for you!
• Nick P. – I had to do this all winter as my son was born in January. I ran very early in the mornings or very late at night or whenever he napped. The sleep deprivation doesn’t help, but the running reduces the stress. Overall, my best advice is when your baby is napping, it’s the ideal time to squeak a run in
• Susan D. – I have 3 children and was best able to get in the runs in the early morning hours, before anyone got up…and I was definitely half asleep during lots of those runs!
• Kmc – I’m 6 months pregnant with my 3rd, I have been thinking about this same question myself – thanks for asking it! I’m so amazed at all the responses. My cavaet will be nursing the baby. Fortunately for the baby and my husband, I won’t be able to run after the c-section until 5? weeks postpartum. But, then, I am off and running. I never ran with the other two, but after talking with my husband a lot, we agreed to ask family to buy us a BOB stroller. I’ve been working 2 jobs for 4 years, so he and I agree that compromising on a schedule that works for both of you is best. On the days that I cannot find time to run, I get up at 5AM while everyone is sleeping…my fear with the new baby is waking it up by accident when I leave and then the whole house will be up at 5am :-). Best of luck working it out. ALL families are different, and you will figure it out!
• John K. – I’ve been getting up at 4:30 since my second was born. Not easy, but neither is going without a run.
• Curt F. – I fit my runs in commuting to work. 4 miles each way got me on my way to doing a 50 miler. Not for everyone’s situation but it sure helped me.
• Dan R. – I agree with many others here. schedule, routine and the expectation from your spouse as to when your run will occur is huge. Of course, it won’t be perfect. Maybe a slight perspective change as well that your #1 goal right now is not running, it’s that little bundle.
  I always run at night the moment after I put my boys to bed. My weekend long run is the only time I sacrifice family time.
• Jacky C. – Sorry this is late but ORGANIZATION is the key. Get a huge calendar and just plan your runs. Obviously if baby or mommy are not “well” it might have to be postponed but planning ahead should help fit your runs in! Good luck and congrats on the new baby!

As you can see, dailymile is a great resource for getting helpful information like this, and if nothing else, it lets me know that others have gone through exactly what I am going through right now. I’ve found myself implementing many of these suggestions – for example, I’ve been mostly running at night lately right after I put my “big” kids to bed. I also try to not let it get to me if I miss a run – as was mentioned above, it’s important to put the needs of the family first, and although at times it can be hard to not have the freedom that I did just a few months ago, I’m managing the best I can. I’ll probably try to put either a post or podcast together in the next few months outlining more of my own approach to getting my runs in during these hectic times.

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A few weeks ago I posted a question on dailymile asking how people managed to stay active with a newborn baby in the house (my current challenge!). In addition to the great responses I got in the comments after my post, I also received a very thoughtful message from my dailymile friend Christina H. of the See Mom Run Bike Swim blog (Christina’s dailymile profile picture can be seen to the left). She put together a great list of “stay-active” tips for parents of little ones, and she graciously allowed me to edit and re-post her tips here on Runblogger – here they are:

1. SLEEP! We ALL want to train and sometimes we try to fit it in when the baby is napping. However, sometimes naptime for baby should also be time for mom/dad to at least catch a 15-20 min nap. We all need rest.

2. Moby Wraps (am I advertising? Sorry, but this is a LIFESAVER). Unlike many baby carriers (which work as well) the Moby wraps the baby nice and warm to your chest. They are warm and close, but you are hands free and can still go for a walk. Do some exercise!

3. Get a Jogging Stroller. There are carseat adapters for most all jogging strollers nowadays. INVEST. Look on Craigslist if price is a concern. DADS – baby loves MOVING (as do we!), so give mom some ALONE time. Take that baby for a run, keep close to the house just in case there is a meltdown. MOMS – same as above, get out there walk/jog/run with the baby. Even if you can get only 20 min in it will clear the mind.

4. Stroller Strides (totally had to throw this in since I’m an instructor). Go to www.strollerstrides.com and find a class near you. Total body workout for the PRE and POST natal body. DADS – dont be scared or think you’re too cool to do this. I have plenty of dads come out and get a GREAT workout in. They are always surprised!

5. SCHEDULE. Sometimes with little ones schedules get thrown out the door. I encourage you to schedule two times in your day to get a workout in. If one fails, the other might pull through.

6. CYCLE. If you need to get out there, just GO. Keep your rides to 30 min. Remember that there is a mom or dad at home with the baby. Baby down for at least 30 min? – try hopping on an indoor trainer. Remember that being on a trainer is the equivalent to time and a half on the road (that’s the rumor and I’m sticking to it!). The baby might like the sound of the wheel, or lock yourself in another room with your baby monitor and SPIN SPIN SPIN!

7. SWIMMING. This can be a hard one, but my husband and I switch off. We go with the kids and each swim for 30 min. Then we let the older one jump in the pool with us at the end as a reward for being good while we swam.

There are so many options out there for staying active. MOST IMPORTANT of all is being open and talking with your partner. Let each other know that you would like to train, and sit down and work out a SCHEDULE. Not pointing fingers, but there are some dads and moms who neglect to make time for their partner to get some exercise in. SHARE time. Exercise helps ward off post-partum depression. No one wants the wifey going off the deep end (personal experience http://seemomrunbikeswim.blogspot.com/2010/02/what-happened.html). Also, moms need to recognize that dads take on alot as well, and we need to remember to let them breathe and run so they can have the strength to come back and relieve us.

In my house there is A LOT of passing children back and forth. But we work it out, we include the children in our workouts, and we remember to support one another. We have a 2 year old and an 8 month old and we are BOTH training for Ironman Cancun 70.3 in September. Things can get hard with all of the training, but it’s something we both NEED. It’s what we live off of. I spend my mornings at Stroller Strides and afternoons on the trail biking or running or in the gym hitting weights and swimming. REMEMBER there IS time. Its IS HARD, but my FAV quote and what I live by is: “It’s supposed to be hard. If it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it.”

Christina H.
See Mom Run Bike Swim

Take the following example:

A few weeks ago my son’s and daughter’s preschool taught the kids a bit about Martin Luther King in honor of his birthday. At dinner that night, my wife and I talked about Dr. King with them, and proceeded to show them a clip of the “I Have a Dream” speech on the computer. Thinking that we had an opportunity to teach an important lesson, my wife bought a book about MLK that was geared toward young children, and I read it to the kids a few nights later. We talked about what slavery was, and I could tell that my five year old son thought it was silly that black people and white people had to use separate water fountains in certain parts of the country. We also talked about the historical significance of Barack Obama becoming president. A few weeks passed, and we felt we had at least sowed a seed about the meaning of equality. Then something happened that made me realize that my son really was paying attention, and that this lesson had sunk in.

A few nights ago, I was reading The Sneetches, by Dr. Seuss, to the kids. This is one of my favorite Seuss books since the 4 stories cover a range of topics, and each elicits different emotions. The “Too Many Dave’s” story always gets a hearty round of giggles (think Stinkey and Oliver Boliver Butt), and the “Pale Green Pants” story elicits a little bit of suspense and fear, but not so much that it scares them to death. We have a running joke that Daddy is scared of “Pale Green Pants with Nobody Inside Them,” which prompted both of my kids to search their clothes drawers for green pants to shove in my face one morning.

The deepest of the four stories in this book is The Sneetches. The basic premise, if you haven’t read it, is that some of the Sneetch creatures have stars on their bellies, whereas the others do not. The star-bellied sneetches look down upon those without stars, and exclude them from their parties and games. On one page there is a picture of some young star-bellied sneetches playing on the beach, having a great time (see picture above). Also on the beach are some very sad looking starless sneetches who aren’t being allowed to play. After I read this page to them, my son looked at me very seriously and stated that this was just like what was done to the black people in the MLK book. I was floored by this comment, because it made me realize that he got it. The lesson that we were trying to get across after Martin Luther King Day is that it’s silly to treat people bad just because they look different from you. With this comment, it was clear to me that my son grasped the metaphor provided by the sneetches. For that fleeting moment, I felt like the greatest parent in the world, and I couldn’t have been prouder of my son. This is what parenting is all about, and this is why I don’t buy the argument in Freakonomics that what we do as parents is less important than the genes we provide them. We teach by example. We pass on lessons that we think are important. And every once in awhile we receive validation that a lesson we taught was learned.

In reading this chapter, I couldn’t help but feel that something was not quite right. I employ statstics regularly in my own work, and I understand that they are simply analyzing available data from one large study and reporting the results. However, what kept popping into my mind is that applying statistical methods to a dataset will always give you some kind of answer, and sometimes that answer will be unexpected. The problem is that the results of a given analysis are only as good as the data that were analyzed. Now at the outset I will say that I have not gone into the details of how the ECLS study they discuss was conducted, but they report in the book that the data consist of measurements of academic performance, survey information provided by parents, and answers to questions posed to parents during interviews. Whereas test scores are concrete measurements, the latter two sources of information seem highly susceptible to error. Bear with me and I’ll try to explain.

Lets assume that the parents of the vast majority of the 20,000 or so children in this study love their kids and are trying to be the best parents that they can be. Conventional wisdom would have you believe that reading to your kids is good, and that letting them watch lots of TV is bad. If you were surveyed in this study either on paper, or even worse in an interview, my suspicion is that most parents would tend to exaggerate parenting qualities that are thought to be good (i.e., reading), while downplaying qualities that are though to be bad (i.e., letting kids watch TV). My guess is that this effect is more extreme in parents who are doing less of a supposedly good thing (reading), and more of a supposedly bad thing (TV watching). It is human nature for a parent to do this – we want our kids to succeed and we may even trick ourselves into believing we spend more time on positive parenting behaviors than we really do. So what does this mean for the conclusions in Freakonomics?

If parents overestimate how much they read to their kids, and parents who read less bump their estimate up even more than those who read alot (perhaps due to a sense of guilt or fear of judgment), then a correlation between reading and academic performance may not be all that accurate. I don’t know if the ECLS study had controls for this potential source of error, but I would be interested to find out. At the very least, this possibility was not addressed in Freakonomics, which is the source from which the vast majority of people will read about this supposed lack of a relationship. In a similar manner, if parents tend to downplay how much they let their kids watch TV, a similar problem would arise. The validity of these supposed correlations seems to be almost entirely dependent on how honest these parents are about their behavior. Now think about what you would do if you were sitting across from some interviewer and asked how much you read to your child. Would you be more likely to overestimate how many books you have in your house, or how often you actually read them together? Which carries less likelihood of judgment by the interviewer or someone reading your survey responses? Which is more likely to be subject to error? You can apply this same logic to questions regarding how much TV you let your kids watch. If you’re like me, the tendency to enhance the good and downplay the bad is hard to avoid when you’re simply trying to be the best parent you can be for your kids.

I personally have mixed feelings about the supposed detrimental effects of TV. When my 5-year-old son tells me out of the blue that the melting of ice into water is an example of reversible change (which he learned from Sid the Science Kid), it is clear that he has absorbed a lot from some of the TV shows he watches. However, I’m not buying the data showing that reading to your kids provides no future academic benefit. Maybe I’m just a sucker for the conventional wisdom, but my five years of hands-on experience as a parent leads me to believe otherwise. Ill be needing proof that the data analyzed in Freakonomics are good and valid before I put Dr. Seuss back on the shelf.